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What can i say.
Almost 7 months ago I returned prematurely from India, after 7 months of the most life changing experiences I’ve had out of all my trips and travels about the globe.I’m now vegetarian and dont miss meat at all. I had lost about a quarter of my body weight, but sadly, even with my new diet, thats started to return, oh thank you, crap vege foodstuffs UK Ltd!!
I hideously conscious of packaging that comes with shopping in this country. I’ve been back so little time but must have thrown away hundreds of bits of cardboards and plastic. I’m dairy free now having made the transition to soya without a thought. But most importantly, I fell in love in the first week of being in India, with a beautiful Israeli girl called Lily (her hebrew name is totally unwritable)
And now I’m back in the town I grew up in, next door to a couple who spend the day screaming abuse at each other! His name is Wil I think. Either that or Fucking Bastard!!! She has a voice like a pained parrot and the walls are very thin….ahhhh Essex!!!!
Lily arrives in the UK for the first time on Thursday so I have to make my flat home, hopefully for a long long time. I cant wait cos I dont feel inspired or whole without her.
Also, today I got a job as a coordinator of a resource center for people with learning disabilities run by an amazing charity, so different to working for the rotting NHS. I’m not sure I will be able to do it, but I’m gunna give it a good try, and it gives me a chance to do creative stuff, arts and all that, which was never an option before.
A beautiful, amazing lady I used to work with had a little baby girl today called Evie which is great news. So a busy eventful day and hopefully this will continue. Now all I need to do is get on with the half dozen writing and video projects im working on, and life will be sweet.
Must do more swimming too.

Well, lets put thing into perspective.
Lily has gone back to Israel to study for 2 years!
I am still unemployed, though offers are here and there, but as with all care jobs, they take vast amounts of time and paperwork, CRB checks and the rest, so a nurse looking for a job is probably best to have a job while searching, cos you can find yourself on the dole and living in a cardboard box before a job actually sorts itself out.
My lease on this flat ends in…hmmm….lets see…..3 weeks. At the moment havent got anywhere to move into.
My writing has all the momentum of a stoned slug, mainly because of worrying about real life… does make escaping into fantasy rather a trial.
I have about £20 to my name.
I have run out of sugar AND honey, so will have to very shortly after writing this go out into the bleak, rainly colourless wasteland that is Clacton on a bad day, and buy some. Its either that or spend the day drinking Green tea or miso soup.
My kitchen needs attention, which if it were a bright sunny day, would be ok, but its not. However I do have to bear in mind that if I dont get in there during daylight hours, I will lose my chance because the lights havent worked since I moved into this place, and after dark, everything has to be done by Braile, which I’m telling you, can be traumatic when pouring yourself a BIG glass of juice, gulping down half and then returning to lit areas only to find mold floating onto of whats left!
So, there it is. Life…..dont talk to me about it.
The truly disturbing thing here, is that I was in similar situations when I was in my 20’s. I really should know better now!
The major difference ofcourse is that i’m older and have travelled a lot more, so after having seen how people live day to day with so much less than this, in worse situations than this, and with less options for their future than this, I dont really feel that bad off.
And I am in love, which despite not having her here with me, seems to make it all so much different to if I was on my own and if the Cosmos hadnt thrown me such a beautiful bonus to my life.
We shall see what happens!
But you know, I understand all those people who live below the breadline in this country, but religiously buy lottery tickets every week or more. All looking for that one chance, that lucky break to escape their situation. Does the lottery really represent the opportunity to be rich, or does it just feed off the desperate hopes of normal people in their search for something better?


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