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My life has changed in so man ways, da do whap whap do do run run!

There is one thing certain about my life and my own personal history.

I’m a nonconformist.

I’ve always gone against the flow, always pushed my luck, always gone up against authority.

Hmm, nature or nurture. To be honest my family life in my early years was a bit of a roller coaster. Memories of getting a bath in the sink in the kitchen, which I loved btw, to memories of my mum leaving us, with me, begging her to stay as she walked through the doors, leaving us with our dad. Now at this point ultimate kudos to my dad at that time. After all, he was my step dad, and only my sister was really his, but he stuck in there, though sorry dad, you’re cooking sucked, having a seemingly endless recipe book for anything that could be put in a slow cooker.

On the flipside, my step dad couldn’t keep control of his purple headed panty python, so events like this tend to occur in marriages. Shame the parents involved don’t start thinking logically about the effects it might all have on their kids.


My earliest memories are ones of an acute angle, away from my peers.

A good example is my first junior school.

Besides asking my Head master one day if we could start doing fencing! I was about 6. I remember bunking off school.

Now this is by no means an uncommon thing I know, but in junior school?

I used to get bored of the lessons, or just leave early, cos we used to have a ritual that we would put the chairs up on the tables (extra cover!) and then go through some mock religious thing involving prayers for the day etc.

I would simply leave the building while everyone else was bowed in prayer. Now at this point I think its important to admit to ourselves that school is simply an instrument of social exposure and something purely intended to condition us to the way we’re told the world should be, ie, about getting on the gravy train and becoming wage slaves. This sounds rather harsh admitedly, but think about it, school is just a concentrated miniture world, which reflects the outside world, including performance, tests, social interaction and the like. Also, ponder on the last time that a child went to a careers officer and when asked what job they want to pursue, the kid said ‘Nah, I want to be an environmental protester and paint alot!’

The officer would probably ignore the first option and focus on the painting.

‘So, you like to paint?’

‘Yeah,’ says the kid.

‘So, have you considered the idea of being a commerical artist, or maybe a painter and decorator, or going to college and university and studying art or design?’

The question here would be, what for?  So the kid can get a job? Thats what its all about, earning potential, which means taxation and revenue potential. I think kids that don’t go to school grow up with large chunks of this social conditioning missing, and so are in a position to make informed choices rather than just doing what theyre told or what is expected of them.

But back to the story.

One day when I decided that the lesson was extremely boring that day and just walked out of school. The problem came when I found that my dad was working on the school roof that day and had spotted me leaving. I hide like an ostrich, behind an out building and hoped that he might suddenly forget he saw me, thus enabling me to sneak off home. He didn’t.

I don’t recall what the outcome of this was, and I certainly don’t have any awful memories of punishment for the crime, so chances are, it simply lead, to several months later I moved to another junior school.

The reason I was told, was simply down the fact that my IQ was higher than everyone in my first junior school, so they picked another school, where I wouldn’t be bored.

My ego likes this story.

However, an incident involving our class swimming teacher, and his rush to get us ready to be picked up by our parents, may have been the real reason. Basically, after a long session in the schools very own indoor swimming pool, our teacher panicked, cos he had not bothered to check his watch. So, in panic, he marched over 20 preteens, in their swimming gear, wrapped where they could in towels, over 200 ft of school playing field to their classroom. Past 3 classrooms of other school pupils who noticed this of course and took full advantage to mock and jeer.

I remember my mum sending me outside while she ripped the teacher a new one, and very soon after this I moved schools.

And as bizarre as things tend to go, the VERY FIRST DAY at my new school spelt what seemed like decades of torture and bullying for me. You see dinner times, all the school filled long tables (think of Hogwarts dinning hall and you’re on the right lines.)

Now the secret to this dining system was that the pupils were arranged alphabetically. Now my name began with B, and for some bizarre reason, the person who had the best seat in the dining hall, the seat right next to the glasses, had a surname beginning with H.

Oh bugger me! There I am trying to analyse it. Basically, for some reason a boy whose name began with H, had somehow wangled himself a seat right at the front of all the lines for dinner. So he was first out of the whole school to get up and queue for dinner.

Problem began because on my first day, he was sick. So first day at school, I got the best seat at dinner, and by this fluke of luck, earned the sick boys enmity for the remainder of my schooling time, right up to High school.

Life’s a funny ol thing ain’t it?

Personally, I blame every moment of my deviant and dysfunctional behaviour throughout my high school years, solely on my parents. I held the record for school detentions in 1st and 2nd year at high school. Does that give you an idea of how much I DIDN’T want to be at home? Ahhhh sigh.

Being expelled from my maths class because I refused to take off my mock leather jacket and denim?

Standing for hours outside the heads office.

Being the mastermind behind the addictive game of ‘penny up the wall’, which led to a school wide ban on the game!

Never attending assembly cos I would simply walk to a nearby toilet and sit there until classes started.

In the end I would simply walk out of school when I got to a lesson I didn’t find interesting, and only ever visited the school regularly at night, to break in and steal stationary which I would use to draw on.

Then there are later memories.

Of fly posting Folkestone town centre in the middle of the night with anti Poll Tax flyers. Oh, I wasn’t part of any political group. I just felt strongly about it and that was what I decided to do.

If it made a difference who knows, because it was simply something I needed to do.

And oddly enough, despite having not done any of that crazy stuff for a while, I do find that its here again, and tugging at me.

Might be all the stuff I’ve been watching and learning recently, but I doubt it. The urge to do stuff like the fly posting, is back again?

What shall I do?

UPDATE: I’ve found something, so if I get the publicity I’m looking for, I will post it here. Could be fun. Nowadays, could also mean being arrested but hey.


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