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Verb – Give a call consisting of repeated light tremulous sounds

adj.  Tremulous –

1. Marked by trembling, quivering, or shaking.

2. Timid or fearful; timorous.

Let’s talk Twitter.

I’ve been using Twitter for about 3 years on and off, and have to say I find it totally pointless.

You see, here’s my point. Besides providing the user with as much porn as he, or even she, may need, the internet in my mind is for gathering information and communicating with others.

That’s really about it.

Obviously gathering information comes in as many forms from Wikipedia type gathering to gathering in the form of visual or audible sources.

And obviously, communicating with others, ranges from expressing personal ideas to actively targeting others to make contact with for whatever purpose.

Twitter can be summed up in two ways.

Firstly it’s like putting a message in a bottle, addressed to someone in particular and throwing it into the Atlantic.

Secondly, it’s like masturbation!

Twitter – SomeGreyBloke

Oh, I acknowledge that there are differing levels of these two factors and yes, I’m sure that out there some level of Q&A may be going on, but like Facebook, most of the time it seems simply a monologue.

The classic celebrity angle is most commonly the best example of this. Yes, on Twitter you can ‘follow’ a person famous for something, but as with the SomeGreyBLoke example, you will not be communicating, just witness to brief thoughts or experiences of that individual, you will not be sharing the experience. Which given the trouble that has befallen said famous people as a result of inappropriate comments or responses in the past, I suppose that’s fair enough if rather spineless. After all, if you’re willing to reveal or share with others, why not bite the bullet and welcome them wholly into your life by answering them.

Obviously there are positive examples. I’m pretty sure Neil Gaiman would reply to something he felt poignant or witty, or was feeling that a witty or poignant reply was appropriate, because he has embraced the whole contact with your fans thing so fully. He actually replied to me once on Facebook, which shocked me so much I had to find a soft place to sit down for a while.

But on the whole, don’t expect to be part of a conversation. You’re not there for that. Your there to feel that your being involved without actually requiring the other person to make an exchange with you.

Maybe they don’t want to, your opinion or advice or input is not that important.

They just wanted to say.

It’s an ‘I Just wanted to say ‘engine.

Giving it the name Twitter seems a bit of a paradox really, because, yes, like a birds twitter, it is all about short noises. But unlike a birds twitter, it is not a form of communication. It’s a form of proclaimation.

In the end, like Facebook and Blogging, it really continues the trend of an individual expressing something to others without needing or wanting an interpersonal exchange. It’s self indulgent, almost egotistical and pushes forward the boundaries of human interaction in the same way as…well, as I said, masturbation.

Masturbation, on the whole is an individual releasing sexual energy for their own benefit.

It’s not sex, though admittedly, it can be voyeuristic.

But mostly it’s a man or woman wanking, spanking the monkey, rubbing one out, whacking one off, waxing the dolphin, choking the bishop, the five knuckle shuffle, the slip ‘n’ slide, clicking the mouse, powdering your nose, dialing the pink telephone, polishing the pearl.
Whatever you want to call it, its all about self-indulgence!

You work it off for whatever reason and then reach for the Kleenex. Job done! You don’t require others… most of the time you don’t want others and if others were to comment, you sure as hell wouldn’t want to talk about it, or explain why you did it in the first place.

The only difference is that with Twitter you’re telling people you just did it.

Which is rather odd if you think about it.

I was surprised to find it was designed and created by an American, because, it is so very British.

Why you say?

Well, a while back I was seeing an Israeli girl and the one thing she found so annoying about the British was that we are so superficially pleasant and polite….but there it stopped. We are on the whole brought up to be pleasant and polite to strangers, but really have absolutely no interest in going any further unless there’s a reason to.

In Israel, she was used to people being rude and confrontational but actually open to taking an interest in others lives, because they find it interesting…and always like the opportunity to comment on other people’s lives and impose their own opinions. The British have opinions, but it’s their opinion, to share it openly runs the risk of upsetting other people, which surprisingly enough, culturally we don’t like to do.

But, I suppose, from my admittedly small amount of experience, the Americans I’ve encountered do like to talk, with often no real interest in letting other people join in, so, I guess it all makes sense when you look at Twitter.

It should be called Bawl.

So why, I hear you cry, do you continue to use Twitter, surely you are doing the same thing, proclaiming, not communicating.

Well, I’m an optimist. I try to mostly comment on others peoples Tweets, rather than just declare things, in the vague hope that someone will respond. IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE….OOOOOHHHHHH BABE etc etc.

Sadly, most of the time my train of throught returns to “Hey I can be witty and interested, I can contribute, if only in a short farcical manner… communicate with me you fuckers!”



Because I guess I havent realised the rules yet.


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